Thanks, But No Thanks

I think that I could almost guarantee that everyone, at some point in their life, has been rejected. Whether it was from a potential job, bank loan or love interest, I'm sure everyone's felt the hurt and pain of not being accepted. To be honest, I don't even like the word rejection. It just seems so harsh, and in an attempt to find a better word, I consider its synonyms. Words like dismissal, refused or brush off come to mind (Microsoft's thesaurus's mind that is, not mine) but they still evoke those same feelings of hurt and pain.

I think about this one morning as I go through my text messages on the tube to work. It's a rare occasion when I don't have a book to read and I find this keeps me entertained for the journey. I come across the text I received from last month's coffee date and feel a slight pang of guilt. I didn't mean to be rude, but I'm always a little confused about what to do in situations like this;

A week after our date, I received a text from him - he asked how I was and whether I fancied meeting up again. I was quite surprised when the text came through - I assumed the short date and lack of communication instantly after was a mutual understanding of disinterest. I waited a couple of days to reply - not because I was trying to 'play it cool' (those that know me, will know that this isn't something I do particularly well!), but because I wasn't sure how to respond. I didn't want to be rude or ignore the text, and wondered whether it would be best to just say 'thanks, but no thanks'. Although I've been in this situation a few times now, I still struggle with the decision. Fortunately he sent the text during the start of navratri and a week before I was due to go on holiday. This meant I was able to explain that I was quite busy for the next few weeks and would maybe give him a call when I got back. I thought my text was quite a polite one and didn't actually commit me to contacting him on my return. I also thought adding the 'maybe' would be the subtle hint to show I wasn't particularly keen - which is why I was again, a little surprised to receive a reply less than an hour later, telling me to have a good holiday and ending with a 'see you when you're back'. Not quite the result I had expected.

It's been a few weeks since I've been back now and I still haven't got in touch, hence the guilt pang. In my defence, compared to some of the ways that I've been 'turned down' I think I was quite nice. I remember one guy that I met told his mother that I was too short for him. When I was told this, all I could do was laugh at the irony of it. He was the first guy I'd met in this way, and quite liked, and I imagine this wasn't the real reason for his disinterest. After all, I'm not that short and he wasn't particularly tall himself - so why he chose to blame my height will always be a bit of a mystery to me. I would've preferred it if he was honest and just say he didn't fancy me.

I guess I should be grateful that at least he wasn't attacking my personality - that would've hurt more. Like when I once got told by a guy during an online argument that I was 'too sarcastic to the point that it was annoying', just before he blocked me on msn messenger and then spent the majority of my final year at uni ignoring me. Yes, I may laugh about it now and as I write this, I have a smile on my face as I reminisce. But at the time, it wasn't funny - and I admit, I did shed a tear (or few) at his words. I've been told many times that my sarcasm would get me into trouble one day and maybe it did mean that I lost out on his friendship. It took me a while to realise that I wouldn't want to have a friend who didn't understand me or appreciate my sarcasm so I guess I was better off in the long run. Eventually he came running back and tried to befriend me again, but by then it was too late.

Most recently, a potential suitor's mother decided that I wasn't good enough for her son because I eat meat - which is quite ironic because my family have a tendency to frown upon vegetarianism, especially my brother. As he's mentioned numerous times before, he's not particularly keen on having a man-to-man talk with his future brother-in-law over a plate of chilli paneer at Sakonis. Nope, in his world, there are some situations where only a kebab will suffice.

And so, here I am - to some I may be a short, sarcastic, carnivore, but I'm hoping it's just a matter of time that I find someone who appreciates my slight quirkiness, understands my sarcasm and who doesn't think my 62 inches isn't enough for him..