Taking advantage of a quiet week in September, I decided it was time to explore the possibilities of a speed dating night again. I stand by my earlier comment when I said that I quite enjoy going to these (though I'm not a regular of course...) It's not every day (it's hardly any day) that you're face to face with about 20 different single, eligible bachelors and surely this can never be a bad thing.
Once we'd registered for the event, collected our name badges, note cards and pens, we headed towards the other side of the room, ready to place our order for a couple of much needed drinks. A few minutes later, I sat alone across the bar, taking a sip from my mojito whilst eyeing up my friend's raspberry flavoured cocktail and contemplating what my next drink should be. As the door by my side opened, letting in a cool breeze from the evening outside, I looked up and saw a tall, dark haired guy walk in. He looked at me and smiled before making his way over to where I sat. "Hi." I said, returning his smile. "Hi." He replied. "So, do you come here often?" I tried to keep a straight face, but I couldn't help but laugh. I guess I shouldn't have been too surprised to bump into an old friend at one of these events - it was bound to happen some time! On the plus side, at least we both knew that there was going to be at least one normal person sitting on the opposite side of the table. We talked a little about the strangeness of such nights and joked about the kind of conversations we would have. I suggested I try to start off my 'dates' by asking where I would be taken on our honeymoon and he was planning to tell each girl that he trained dolphins for a living. Soon enough, an announcement was made and we were all asked to take our seats. My (girl) friend and I moved to the end of the room and made ourselves comfortable - a quick scan of the male daters gave me a feeling that it was going to be a long night - no matter how open minded I planned to be!
The Boys
The first dater that I sat across was a surgeon. This is the first thing that he told me and I instantly found myself comparing him to Grey's Anatomy's McDreamy - no comparison, but I was still quite impressed. A surgeon - that's pretty hot. He then went on to tell me that he was too busy for a relationship, but he felt as though it was time he found himself a wife and started a family. I nodded as he spoke and slightly cursed myself for thinking this time would be better than the last. The bell finally rang and as he moved from my table to the next, I looked at my friend and quietly wished her good luck.
Thankfully the few daters that followed weren't all bad. Some were quite interesting, some funny and some a little too friendly. As the bell rang twice, indicating that we were half way through the night, we found ourselves talking to the one of the last guys that we met. He seemed quite nice and conversation seemed to be flowing well. That was until, in what I believe was a slightly drunken state, he managed to tip his glass and pour beer all over my friend's lap. Needless to say, neither of us were very impressed as he didn't even apologise and walked away, head down in shame, to the other side of the room.
During the second half of the night, things seemed to pick up a little. Putting aside the guy who went on about the difficulties of finding a vegetarian girl, the guy who looked at me in disgust when I admitted that my red coloured drink did have alcohol in it (why would it not?!) and the man (I say man because I'm sure he passed the age limit of 35 and realistically was reaching 50) who tried to hold my hand, there were a couple of potentially interesting blokes. One that took my eye in particular was someone who looked strangely familiar to me. I guess the problem with meeting people on a night out, being introduced to half the Indian population and being distantly related to the other half, makes it a bit difficult not bumping into people I feel as though I've seen before. Luckily I wasn't going completely mad and he said the same thing to me. We spent a couple of seconds trying to figure out where we knew each other from, but with not much luck, we ended up spending the remaining two minutes talking about nothing in particular and I found myself giggling like a little school girl - I think I had just met my first and only 'tick worthy' guy of the evening.
At the end of the night, after handing in our note cards and pens, I walked up to my friend and looked at him questionably. "So.." I said. "What's my competition like?"
The Girls
Okay, so this is the point where my aforementioned friend was supposed to supply me with interesting and funny stories about all the single girls he 'dated' that night. I probably should've managed my expectations because instead of humourous little tales, the only thing I got was empty promises that he would deliver and the confirmation that boys lie.
All I do know is that whilst scanning the room to check out the competition, I definitely think that today's boys should count their blessings - because there are a hellava lot of hot single girls out there ready to be swept off their feet! Right girls?!
Sunday 3 October 2010
Thursday 29 April 2010
A Little Give and Take
During the past few months, I've spent some time travelling the world, gaining an insight into love and life in different cities, states and countries, and am at a point now where I genuinely feel a lot wiser. Perhaps this has something to do with turning another year older (and coming to the realisation that I am now closer to 30 than 20) or experiencing new adventures in recent months. Whatever the reason, I'm enjoying my new found wisdom and outlook on life.
As I get to a stage in my life where many of my friends are getting married and having babies, or where I find out that the boy I wasted a lot of my time fancying in previous years is engaged, I hear myself repeating the cliched sayings in my head which all single girls are probably familiar with; 'trust in fate', 'the perfect man is out there', 'if it's meant to be, it will be', 'good things come to those who wait', 'it's naseeb' etc.
I've always said that I will never (never, ever, ever, ever) settle for someone where I'm not 100% sure that they're the one for me. I know that this is a difficult concept for some of the older generation in my family to come to terms with, after all, only a handful of my aunts and uncles can truly say there were in love when they married, but it's something that I feel very strongly about. Like most girls, I have an idea of the 'perfect man' for me - I know what he'll look like, I know what he'll wear, and the kind of things that he would say. I have a mental checklist every time I meet a guy - even if it's someone I've known for all of five seconds, I'll be judging them against this checklist that I've spent years creating.
During a conversation with a recently married friend, I was taught something, or perhaps made to realise something, which really stuck with me. My friend told me that like me, she had a checklist that she would run through in her head every time she met a guy. No one she met would come close to perfect - they would be too short, they would smoke, they would be too work-orientated and so on. As soon as a guy said or did something she didn't like, she would rule them out. As she talked, all this sounded extremely familiar. I was exactly the same as her. I admit, creating this image of my perfect man has, as a result, made me really closed minded to anyone who doesn't match my extremely specific criteria. When I asked whether her husband checked all her boxes, she laughed and said no. She told me that there were many he didn't check - he may not be the man that she had imagined all those years, but she was completely in love with him and knew he was the one.
That night, I spent a lot of time thinking. I refuse to admit that my mother was right when she said that I should settle for Mr. Less than perfect, but the older and wiser me has certainly realised that though there is a very blurry line between settling and compromising, there is a difference.
As I think about my checklist and some of the guys that I have met, I wonder whether at times I am a bit too harsh. To me, there are definitely things that are complete deal breakers, but there are also some things which I could let go - to an extent of course. With this new found thinking of mine, I have found that I am being a bit less critical of the guys that I meet. When I recently received a text from a potential suitor with numerous abbreviations, instead of sighing and wondering why people have no respect for the English language, I admit that I amused myself (and did this with a smile on my face) by responding with similar text slang. To some, this won't seem like a big deal, but for me it was a big step in adjusting to a new way of thinking.
And so, the next time I meet someone - whether it be through a family introduction, at a single's event, or just whilst out and about - I will remember to be more open minded. The perfect guy that I've spent so many years creating in my head probably doesn't exist, but I guess with some more searching and a little compromising, he'll be close. And of course, once I've found him, with a lot of moulding, a little bullying and constant nagging, he'll be as good as perfect!
As I get to a stage in my life where many of my friends are getting married and having babies, or where I find out that the boy I wasted a lot of my time fancying in previous years is engaged, I hear myself repeating the cliched sayings in my head which all single girls are probably familiar with; 'trust in fate', 'the perfect man is out there', 'if it's meant to be, it will be', 'good things come to those who wait', 'it's naseeb' etc.
I've always said that I will never (never, ever, ever, ever) settle for someone where I'm not 100% sure that they're the one for me. I know that this is a difficult concept for some of the older generation in my family to come to terms with, after all, only a handful of my aunts and uncles can truly say there were in love when they married, but it's something that I feel very strongly about. Like most girls, I have an idea of the 'perfect man' for me - I know what he'll look like, I know what he'll wear, and the kind of things that he would say. I have a mental checklist every time I meet a guy - even if it's someone I've known for all of five seconds, I'll be judging them against this checklist that I've spent years creating.
During a conversation with a recently married friend, I was taught something, or perhaps made to realise something, which really stuck with me. My friend told me that like me, she had a checklist that she would run through in her head every time she met a guy. No one she met would come close to perfect - they would be too short, they would smoke, they would be too work-orientated and so on. As soon as a guy said or did something she didn't like, she would rule them out. As she talked, all this sounded extremely familiar. I was exactly the same as her. I admit, creating this image of my perfect man has, as a result, made me really closed minded to anyone who doesn't match my extremely specific criteria. When I asked whether her husband checked all her boxes, she laughed and said no. She told me that there were many he didn't check - he may not be the man that she had imagined all those years, but she was completely in love with him and knew he was the one.
That night, I spent a lot of time thinking. I refuse to admit that my mother was right when she said that I should settle for Mr. Less than perfect, but the older and wiser me has certainly realised that though there is a very blurry line between settling and compromising, there is a difference.
As I think about my checklist and some of the guys that I have met, I wonder whether at times I am a bit too harsh. To me, there are definitely things that are complete deal breakers, but there are also some things which I could let go - to an extent of course. With this new found thinking of mine, I have found that I am being a bit less critical of the guys that I meet. When I recently received a text from a potential suitor with numerous abbreviations, instead of sighing and wondering why people have no respect for the English language, I admit that I amused myself (and did this with a smile on my face) by responding with similar text slang. To some, this won't seem like a big deal, but for me it was a big step in adjusting to a new way of thinking.
And so, the next time I meet someone - whether it be through a family introduction, at a single's event, or just whilst out and about - I will remember to be more open minded. The perfect guy that I've spent so many years creating in my head probably doesn't exist, but I guess with some more searching and a little compromising, he'll be close. And of course, once I've found him, with a lot of moulding, a little bullying and constant nagging, he'll be as good as perfect!
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