Thursday 29 April 2010

A Little Give and Take

During the past few months, I've spent some time travelling the world, gaining an insight into love and life in different cities, states and countries, and am at a point now where I genuinely feel a lot wiser. Perhaps this has something to do with turning another year older (and coming to the realisation that I am now closer to 30 than 20) or experiencing new adventures in recent months. Whatever the reason, I'm enjoying my new found wisdom and outlook on life.

As I get to a stage in my life where many of my friends are getting married and having babies, or where I find out that the boy I wasted a lot of my time fancying in previous years is engaged, I hear myself repeating the cliched sayings in my head which all single girls are probably familiar with; 'trust in fate', 'the perfect man is out there', 'if it's meant to be, it will be', 'good things come to those who wait', 'it's naseeb' etc.

I've always said that I will never (never, ever, ever, ever) settle for someone where I'm not 100% sure that they're the one for me. I know that this is a difficult concept for some of the older generation in my family to come to terms with, after all, only a handful of my aunts and uncles can truly say there were in love when they married, but it's something that I feel very strongly about. Like most girls, I have an idea of the 'perfect man' for me - I know what he'll look like, I know what he'll wear, and the kind of things that he would say. I have a mental checklist every time I meet a guy - even if it's someone I've known for all of five seconds, I'll be judging them against this checklist that I've spent years creating.

During a conversation with a recently married friend, I was taught something, or perhaps made to realise something, which really stuck with me. My friend told me that like me, she had a checklist that she would run through in her head every time she met a guy. No one she met would come close to perfect - they would be too short, they would smoke, they would be too work-orientated and so on. As soon as a guy said or did something she didn't like, she would rule them out. As she talked, all this sounded extremely familiar. I was exactly the same as her. I admit, creating this image of my perfect man has, as a result, made me really closed minded to anyone who doesn't match my extremely specific criteria. When I asked whether her husband checked all her boxes, she laughed and said no. She told me that there were many he didn't check - he may not be the man that she had imagined all those years, but she was completely in love with him and knew he was the one.

That night, I spent a lot of time thinking. I refuse to admit that my mother was right when she said that I should settle for Mr. Less than perfect, but the older and wiser me has certainly realised that though there is a very blurry line between settling and compromising, there is a difference.

As I think about my checklist and some of the guys that I have met, I wonder whether at times I am a bit too harsh. To me, there are definitely things that are complete deal breakers, but there are also some things which I could let go - to an extent of course. With this new found thinking of mine, I have found that I am being a bit less critical of the guys that I meet. When I recently received a text from a potential suitor with numerous abbreviations, instead of sighing and wondering why people have no respect for the English language, I admit that I amused myself (and did this with a smile on my face) by responding with similar text slang. To some, this won't seem like a big deal, but for me it was a big step in adjusting to a new way of thinking.

And so, the next time I meet someone - whether it be through a family introduction, at a single's event, or just whilst out and about - I will remember to be more open minded. The perfect guy that I've spent so many years creating in my head probably doesn't exist, but I guess with some more searching and a little compromising, he'll be close. And of course, once I've found him, with a lot of moulding, a little bullying and constant nagging, he'll be as good as perfect!

1 comment:

  1. I think like you a lot of the time, although im a lot younger I know it is the cultural difference i struggle with. Im english with my mind set, but all others i meet are far too rudeboyish. The thing is you get left out and become the last few to be picked if you dont accept these alien ways. Life is not always a fairytale. People tell me i will find my mr right but i think it is more of a reasurance...i would say the same to my single friends if i was them too!

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